Articles by Laurie Weiss

1) Managing Relationship Misconceptions
Gillian and her husband Bob both held responsible corporate positions. Togetherness was the theme of their nine-year-old marriage. Although they shared responsibility for their home chores, Gillian was feeling extremely overextended and frazzled. When she came to discuss the problem with me, we learned that she had no model at all for how to live in a relationship in which both partners worked. As we... » read more

2) How To Tell The Truth At Work (Part 3 of 3)
Here are more tips for telling the truth in your own workplace. Understanding and using these principles will help you feel more confident about the choices you make and help you develop the skills you need to tell the truth with grace and skill. * Think about how what you say will impact the other person. Often, truth-telling is perceived as criticism. Before criticizing someone, put yourself in... » read more

3) How To Tell The Truth At Work (Part 1 of 3)
Telling the truth can be risky. It is often difficult to find a balance between telling important truths and protecting the feelings and reputations of everyone involved. Not only that, but honest, well-intentioned people don't always agree about what is true. It may seem easier to keep the truth to yourself than to cause a rift in an important relationship. Understanding and using these principles... » read more

4) Customer Service: A Little Means A Lot
I lost my composure during a phone call. It was 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. Six hours after I left a message at my Doctors office I called again. Since I had not received a call back and the pharmacist had not received my prescription, I was afraid the matter wouldn't be handled before they closed for they weekend. The on-call doctor had prescribed painkillers and an MRI for my injured back. His... » read more

5) Your Business Or Your Life
When you run your own business you are your own master and your own slave. There are always more things to do than you have the time or money to manage. How you are able to cope with this situation determines whether you have a chance of becoming a successful business owner. Two opposing styles cause the most problems. One is doing everything your master demands of you. The other is rebelling... » read more

6) The Gift Of The Gorilla
A gorilla appeared at my fiftieth birthday party. With great gusto it read a poem from my daughter, who was away at college, and had regretfully informed me that she would be unable to attend the celebration. I loved the poem, and the excitement generated by this unusual party guest, but when the gorilla removed its' hairy mask, and my daughter appeared in person, I was stunned and delighted. This... » read more

7) When Getting Married Threatens a Great Relationship
Often, getting married leads couples who have been living together happily for years into so much unhappiness that they choose to end their relationships. The act of getting married is essentially turning on an automatic program that says what you and your spouse must do when you get married. This program isn't rational - it's built upon thousands of impressions recorded long before your mind was... » read more

8) Are You Arguing With Your Child?
"Defiant Child?" trumpets the half-page ad in my weekend newspaper'vs magazine section, offering help to change your kid's attitude and take back control of your family. I had a defiant child once. I overheard her having a telephone conversation with her best friend. It went something like this: "When they say 'no', you should say 'why not?' When they tell you, you should say, 'that's not a good... » read more

9) Coaching: From Frustration to Success
Janet's career as a software engineer appeared to be stalled. She completed each low level assignment competently, but felt ineffective in team meetings. When Janet asked for more challenging work, she was ignored, while other team members made similar requests and got the choice assignments. Janet struggled along as best she could and tried hard to support others and be a good team player. She kept... » read more

10) For Greater Effectiveness, Learn How To Give Feedback
A manager who coaches others needs to provide feedback that keeps them focused and on track. Feedback is also a critical element for working out relationships with coworkers, friends and family members. Unfortunately, "feedback" can become a euphemism for not very constructive criticism. Feedback can and should be a way of helping another person become more effective. You can help others increase their... » read more

11) Completing What Can't Be Changed
Whenever you start replaying conversations about what you could or should have said to someone else, as if you are still trying to change something that can't be changed, you are wasting your energy. A simple letter-writing exercise that many of my clients have used can help you re-energize yourself. *If a relationship has ended *If someone has power over you and you can't confront them... » read more

12) Addiction: An Attempt to Get Enough
You can't get enough of something if it isn't what you really need. This statement attributed to philosopher Eric Hoffer, is the basis of understanding all addictive behavior. If you need something (perhaps rest), but think that you should not need it, you may stumble upon something that makes you feel better temporarily (perhaps coffee) and think that is a solution to your problem. However, no matter... » read more

13) Building Connections - Even When You're Scared
Do you have the experience of feeling accepted, cared about, and important when you are with others, or are you worried about being rejected, forgotten, or abandoned? Probably, like most of us, you feel comfortable and secure in some situations, and insecure and a little scared in others. A lot probably depends upon how connected you feel to the people you are with, and your past experiences with... » read more

14) Difficult Decisions: When to Give Up
Yvonne, an executive, feels paralyzed by her boss' new rules that require her to get approval for even the smallest expenditures. Yvonne is also representing her company in merger negotiations. The potential partner considers her boss expendable, and has asked her to stick it out until their process is complete. The negotiations are going slowly. She wonders whether to get out now or stay on, hoping things... » read more

15) Procrastination or Prioritizing?
Rhonda, a solopreneure, started to write a paper for her MBA program at ten in the evening. She worked until 1:00 a.m.. Then, satisfied that the paper could be turned in class the following evening, finally went to bed. The next morning at work, feeling exhausted, she berated himself for waiting until the last possible time to get her homework done. She always seemed to procrastinate about something... » read more

16) Say Something Useful When You Talk To Yourself
What do you tell yourself when you run into a problem? Do you think about how to fix whatever is wrong, or do you get stuck? The story you tell yourself about who you are in the world has an enormous influence on how you approach problems. There are lots of different popular story themes that lead to different actions. "I'm a competent person." You notice the resources you have available - money,... » read more

17) Procrastination: Taming The Monster
Everyone procrastinates, it is a natural response to ambivalence. One part of yourself wants to do something, or believes that it should be done. At the same time another part of you is worried about the consequences of doing what you want to do or is more interested in doing something else with your time and energy. A lot of energy can be expended in this tug-of-war, further draining your... » read more

18) Self Deception is Still Deception!
When I am hungry and go to the refrigerator for food, I usually know what I want, get it, prepare it, eat it, and feel satisfied. When I am avoiding something, I stand in front of my open refrigerator and mentally take inventory of the taste of each item, looking for a different kind of fix. If I eat something then, I can't fill myself up, and keep going back for more. I can't get enough, because... » read more

19) Have You Ever Been Disappointed on Valentine's Day?
As Valentine's Day approached, Allison found herself on pins and needles. Would Steve remember this time? In their 15 years together he had never managed to get her with chocolate she loved ON Valentine's Day. It's usually showed up with a few days after Valentine's Day, but she really wanted it as a Valentine's Day gift. She had been hinting for weeks. "I love chocolate on Valentine's Day." She... » read more

20) Are You Attractive?
What do you do when you want to be attractive to others? Do you buy new clothes, new cosmetics, or new gifts to give away? Do you try to tell people what they want to hear? Do you bend over backwards to be nice to them? Do you wonder why some people easily attract friends, relationships and customers, while others rarely seem to be successful in their quests? If you think carefully about the people... » read more

21) Does Anyone Dare to Tell the Truth?
In a survey of 40,000 Americans, 93% of them admitted to lying regularly at work. When members of an organization hide the truth from each other it sets the stage for distrust, lowered productivity, poor decisions and frustration. On the other hand, to quote a police investigator, "If you tell the truth too bluntly, you get your ass in trouble!" Creating an atmosphere where speaking and hearing the... » read more

22) Communicating Emotionally Difficult Information
You may struggle when it's time to say something sensitive or potentially upsetting to someone you work with. However, sometimes it is necessary to discuss things that must be changed in order for the relationship to continue on a positive note. Here are nine steps you can use to help you communicate this important information without losing friends and without getting fired. 1. Know your objective... » read more

23) Changing Conflict To Dialogue
Dialogue is a different kind of conversation. It's a way of exploring and understanding information and ideas. When practiced, it draws on and uses the wisdom of everyone involved. It is easier to create an argument than it is to create a dialogue. You do this when you have a different opinion than someone else about how to solve a problem, and you act as if there is one correct answer and your task... » read more

24) Conflict: Hazards of Helping (Part 4 of 4)
If you are going to help people resolve conflict, you should be aware of potential pitfalls that can undermine the entire process. The most dangerous pitfall is that your clients may expect you to single-handedly design and implement a solution that will fix everything. The next most dangerous pitfall is for you to try to meet those expectations. Successful conflict intervention professionals do... » read more

25) Conflict: The Critical Questions (Part 3 of 4)
When you've taken on the task of helping others resolve conflict, your most important job is to know what questions must be answered to help clarify the situation. The more of these questions you can answer, the better you be able to help your clients to tap their own resources to resolve the conflict. The questions you must keep in mind will help your clients to identify the problem, identify the... » read more

26) Conflict: Steps to Resolution (Part 2 of 4)
When it's clear that a conflict exists and you are the one who must do something about it, do this. First understand that the process of conflict intervention can take almost any length of time, from a few minutes to several years. Steps in the process include: · helping the participants identify their own needs, interests and values; · discover their mutual and complementary needs; · clarify... » read more

27) Conflict: Unavoidable and Potentially Positive (Part 1 of 4)
When you're the one who must deal with conflict you know what to do? If you're an executive, manager or human you resource professional, managing conflict is probably part of your job. So is recognizing when hidden conflict is the source of a problem. The very word conflict has a negative impact on most people: you associate the word with war, destruction, hostility and pain. When you think of... » read more